Which royal title suits your pet?

The General

The signs: patrols the perimeter at dawn. Has opinions about the mail carrier. Sits facing the door. Has never once backed down from the vacuum cleaner.

The portrait: a navy dress coat, gold epaulettes, a red sash and two brass medals against deep olive green. It is the most formal of the uniforms, made for the dog who is plainly in charge. See The General.

The Admiral

The signs: has never passed a puddle. Returns from every walk slightly damp. Watches the bath fill with professional interest. Among cats: stares at the fish tank as if it were a horizon.

The portrait: a blue naval coat with gold lace, a bicorne hat, and a storm coming up at sea. The grey sky flatters black, chocolate and golden coats. See The Admiral.

The Colonel

The signs: first to the door, first to the ball, first to hear the fridge. Runs everywhere, including to bed. Regards the General as slow.

The portrait: the green braided jacket of the hussars, a crimson collar and silver medals, with dark parkland behind. Red, tan and sable coats glow against the green. See The Colonel.

The Queen

The signs: owns the good chair. Eats when she decides to. Expects doors to be opened and has trained you to open them. Most cats qualify at birth.

The portrait: burgundy velvet, a wide lace collar, pearls and a crown of roses. White, cream and silver coats look magnificent in it. See The Queen.

The Duchess

The signs: observes from the highest shelf. Does not come when called but arrives shortly afterward, by coincidence. In dogs: the senior greyhound on the sofa who has seen everything and said nothing.

The portrait: midnight blue velvet, a white ruff, pearls and a jewelled cap. Grey, silver, blue and tabby coats sit beautifully in its cool colors. See The Duchess.

The Princess

The signs: has been carried in a bag. Sleeps on the pillow, the good one. Has more nicknames than the rest of the family combined.

The portrait: pink satin, ribbons, bows and a silver tiara in front of pale roses. The lightest and sweetest of the six. See The Princess.

Still undecided?

Choose by coat. Warm coats suit the greens of the Colonel and the General. Cool coats suit the Duchess. White suits the Queen, and nearly everything suits the Princess.

Or do not choose at all: previews are free, so try two titles on the same photo and keep the one that makes you laugh. Titles are honorary, and no pet has ever objected to a promotion.